


Some Like it Hot, and Some Do Not

by Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Contests, Filming, Gen, Spontaneous Combustion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth/pseuds/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth
Summary: Shane's efforts to win Joja's contest don't go exactly as planned.
Relationships: Sebastian/Male Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Some Like it Hot, and Some Do Not

**Author's Note:**

> The dialogue isn't exact because I'm a moron
> 
> And it doesn't even completely adhere to the in-game event so why should I give a rat's ass anyway

"Okay guys," was what the prompt to the pair of actors had been. "Do you remember your lines?" 

When Shane got his camera equipment ready that morning, all he expected to deal with (besides getting shitfaced that night, and dealing with a wicked hangover the next morning) was trying to film an entry for Joja's contest. So far, the hardest part was to find people willing to do anything related to Joja. Thank Yoba for Clint and Emily, there. 

The first take didn't go quite right; Clint ended up forgetting his lines. The reason for this, he stated, was because Emily's face was too close to his.

Luckily by then, Shane noticed another member of the community coming from the ocean with a rather impressive catch of the day. Shane couldn't help but explain to him what exactly was in the process of transpiring, and requested that he be a background extra for it. 

"I was on my way home to make dinner for Sea Bass," the farmer responded, "but sure, okay."

All that he had to do was walk past in the background. That was literally the only thing the farmer needed to do. Somehow, though, it didn't go as planned. Not at all. 

"I thought we had something special," Emily began. "You said you wouldn't leave me for anything. I guess that was-" Before Emily could actually finish her line, an ear-piercing shriek abruptly cut her off. She, Clint, and Shane looked behind her to see the farmer sprinting about in circles.

For some inexplicable reason, he'd ended up becoming engulfed in flames. 

"What the hell?!" Shane yelled as he dropped his camera to run over along with Clint and Emily. "How'd that happen?!" The farmer could not properly answer his question, on account of being in horrific pain. This left the other three frantically trying to figure out how to extinguish the flame. 

Strangely (and horrifyingly), the stop drop and roll method didn't help. Neither did Clint throwing Joja Blue on him; that somehow fueled it. 

"What's this stuff made out of, gasoline?" He asked incredulously to no one in particular. It greatly disturbed him to know that he'd been on the verge of drinking that shit. 

Shane and Emily were still left in trying to do something, anything, to calm the farmer's shrieking down before the rest of town came out to see what was happening. In the end, Emily just threw some dirt onto him (the river was too far away at this point). Thankfully, this seemed to have worked.

Everyone waited until he stood back up, somehow able to do so despite what he just endured (it was a wonder he wasn't _dead_ )

"Are you okay?" Emily asked of him as she reached out. The farmer just shooed her away and picked all his stuff back up, promptly leaving them all and returning to his and Sebastian's house. 

...

"What happened to you?!" Sebastian dropped his mug full of coffee onto the ground, ignoring the resulting mess of coffee and shards as he then ran over to find out what indeed had happened to his dear husband. Whatever it was, it left him covered in soot and with seriously damaged clothes. 

The farmer himself, he just kept looking left and right, standing unsteadily. After an awkward silence lasting a few seconds, he reached out and carefully patted Sebastian on the shoulder, after having set down all of the fish and pumpkins onto their kitchen floor. 

"Don't worry about it," he told him before wandering off to their shower.

After that, nothing was said about it while having dinner, and going to sleep tonight. 

...

Incredibly, Shane's disastrous video still ended up winning the grand prize. Because all of the other contest entries were simply just that friggin' godawful. 

**Author's Note:**

> Pls no ask


End file.
